How extravagant you are, throwing away women like that. Some day they may be scarce

Ok this is the last of the wallowing in self pity that T-Shirt Size: Awesome will do about the loss of Kyle Quincey. For this to work, play the video below but replace the lyrics with the new ones that Stef wrote. Don't forget the Kleenex, it will bring a tear to your eye.



Goodbye, Kyle Quincey, goodbye (to the tune of “Take my Breath Away” by Berlin)

Watching every motion made here in this hockey game
Trying for the camera, void of any hint of shame
Ripping off your gloves, just to blacken some dude’s eye
Punching in slow motion as his chest cavity seems to say, oh Kyle,
Take my breath away.

When I heard you’re leaving I wasn’t expecting much
Figuring you’d stay, though you aren’t even Dutch
Didn’t have a chance to let you know just how I feel,
That day when you saw me, touched my arm and then you said, my love:

“I think you’re in my way,”

through your crowd of whores I saw you
somehow you slipped away
that douche from the Moose thought he caught you,
you turned to hear him say, ow ow ow ow hey!
That’s my trachea buddy! My solar plexus! Dammit! Arhhhhhhhh! Please stop!! Mercy!

Watching every minute of this stupid LA game
Now you’re not a Red Wing, probably you’re filled with shame
Watching on the line without a second of your face
As I change the channel, now I guess I’ll have to say

Jonathan Ericsson

Take my breath away

_______________________________________________

Seriously though, please come back to Grand Rapids, Kyle Quincy (PS: Is it Quincey? or Quincy?), I don’t think I can make it through another Griffs season without you. Rafalski can actually play, and Aaron Downey will be an ass-whooping pleasure to behold I’m sure, but it won’t be the same without you. Be careful of LA, Buddy, and if you ever date Paris Hilton, you will have ruined the entire sport of hockey, manhood, the holiness of the playoff beard, and the entire reputation of Canada. Come back and see me sometime! I’m a sure thing!

PS-if Sean Avery still played for the Kings your desertion would be one thing, but he doesn’t, and that’s a pretty big torch to carry, pal. Never do a GAP ad. Ever. In fact, if you ever see Sean Avery, you know, just hanging around with all his Versace model friends or whatever, clean his freekin clock on behalf of all that is or ever was bad-ass. Damn, I’m gonna miss you, Kyle.

I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out.

I must disrupt the recounting of Me and KP across America, something far more gravitational has just come to my attention. Ladies? You might want to take a seat for this one.

The Wings are looking to trade Kyle Quincey. I may have a hard time getting through the rest of this…*weep* post.

A few words (sung to the tune of Cracklin’ Rosie):

Kyle Quincy got on board
Makin’ a ride of the AHL
You know, taking it slow
He wanted to go,
Punch a few jaws like a poor man’s Maltby

His *sorry his mom might read this *is called the Twilight Train
He got that name from a girl who wasn’t wrong
She threw him her thong
And then hit the bong
Having a time with the Detroit Red Wings, too

Oh I love my buddy Kyle
Him punching faces makes me happy
He and Wings they go in style

Kyle my boy, you’re a store-bought player
But you rock more than Pantera or Slayer
So hang on to us cause your contracts’ running out!
Play now,
Play now,
Play now, my baby

Kyle Quincey make me smile
And if it don’t last for an hour,
Than that’s alright, I’ll wait all night
in your bushes, right
long as you don’t mind that the camera’s filming, yeah!

Oh I’ll miss my buddy Kyle
Him punching grannies makes me happy
Even for a little while

Kyle my boy they don’t need more defensemen
But you can come with me and stay in my basement
And wait for Brett Lebda’s contract to run out!

Play now,
Play now,
Play now, my baby

Kyle Quincey makes me smile
If he’d just give me three minutes
That’s all I’d need, down on my knees
He’d be saying “please
Seriously can you let me out of these handcuffs?”

Ba baba baba…ba babababa ba bababa ba baba ba….baba ba

Please consider, Dave Lewis and Mike Illich, keep Quincey and trade one of those other defense guys like Rafalski or that one other guy that used to play for the Griffins, he’d probably get you a better trade, and Kyle Quincey owes me one. He does. Skating around here with his army of whores like he owns the place, touching my arm that one time and never making good on it, who does he think he is, anyway? He needs to stay in Grand Rapids so his head doesn’t get too much bigger than it already is, he can learn under the careful tutelage of Chelios and Maltby, and maybe next time when they win the Stanley Cup he can have actually contributed to winning it when he chugs beer out of it. Plus, I’m in love with him. Oh, Kyle, don’t stray too far…


And when wind whips through the hole where what giant D-bag Assistant Captain for the Manitoba Moose’s upper bicuspid used to be, the wind will whisper…Kyle.