"Before we start, I'd just like to say the campers you're about to see suck dick! But nevertheless, please welcome them."

Here it is….the girls of TShirt Size Awesome are back online!!! Bitches!!! And we’ve been busy!

So I know it looks like we’ve been in hiding since the Wings lost the cup (which we won’t even start to talk about…we seriously were in hiding for a while...even typing this is bringing me back to a very black place that my therapist told me I must not return to…oh god…) anyway, old KP and Stef were in hiding for a while but we finally pulled our black veils off and came outside (blinding! But why has it been so cold this summer???) and typical of us girls, did a bunch of awesome shit anyway. I don’t even know where to begin it’s been so awesome. Here are few of the lessons that we learned:
1) Unsalted Roasted Almonds. Unsalted. Roasted. Almonds.
2) Cadillacs and Dinosaurs. Just look it up.
3) The good people of Indiana really are not good people. They are really idiot assholes who can’t fix cars and are probably at home right now trying to fellache themselves even though it’s physically impossible. Indiana sucks.
4) Chicago, namely Millennium Park and Grant Park (Lollapalooza ROCKED) are cool, even if you have to drive through Indiana, which sucks.
5) The wings are gross at Quaker Steak and Lube. But the name is awfully clever.
6) Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. If you don’t read books, and especially if you think that Jane Austin was really just a propaganda ad produced by tampon companies to sell more tampons, than you should read this book. And remove your tampon because you could seriously use it to thwart the onslaught of the undead for long enough to put some serious steel between you.
7) I am undesirable unless you’re half-gay, and KP’s bf doesn’t have a car. Not a lot of wiener coming out of that equation…ah shit.
8) Don’t eat a 5/3rd burger. No matter who you are or who’s watching you on TV. I mean…gross.
9) Geocaching. Look it up because geocaching=superfun even though we only found 1 so far. Look up the one about how East Grand Rapids used to be a giant amusement park called Ramona Park that housed gambling halls, burlesque shows, and prostitutes as well as a big roller coaster and caramel corn stand. Take that, stupid lady in the black BMW van thing that cut me off in the parking lot of D&W the other day. It’s gonna cost extra for your stylist to get all that sin and depravity out of your hair. Ha!
10) Tequila during the day can be really fun (and will probably lead to you getting your picture taken with an E list celebrity who knows the surviving members of Little Feat!). Unlimited lake perch…not so much a good idea. The perch was delicious though. Ugh.
11) Probably you should pay your gas bill once in a while, loser.
12) It is really fun to spray Jesse with a hose.
13) David Bowie. Let that be a lesson to you.

And I’m sure there are others, but we aren’t really that good at…you know…learning things. Plus we were too busy sipping classic cocktails on a sandy beach or jetting off to the cliffs of Machu Pichu or whatever (working.) to really remember a lot. Or maybe it was the drugs. Ohh yeah…