For those of you who may know me well or even just a little, you know my obsession with movies. I (KP) work at a video store, and it is not because I need the money. It’s for the five free movie rentals a week and the ability to argue endlessly with ignorant customers about how the newest Rambo movie was not a good movie but a pile of human remains that Stallone threw together while he was high off snake venom. Movies are indeed an obsession of mine. I love everything about them. Now, please, do not ask me what my favorite movie is because that is a much too vague question. I have “favorites”, depending on the category of interest. I will admit I am a bit of a sci-fi junky, thanks to years of being forced to watch every episode of Star Trek: the Next Generation, Deep Space Nine and Star Trek Voyager. I will also admit that I hold a special place in my heart for those straight to DVD romantic comedy cheesefests that seem to appear every week on our shelves. I am also a disgruntled movie rental store employee. Any chance I get to piss off an entitled seventeen year old, I take it. I will also talk to you anyway that I choose so shut up and please don’t be offended if I tell you that your movie choice is lame or that you’re a dummy.
With that said, I’m going to spend some time each week talking about both movies in theaters and movies that just came out on video for all you lazy people out there who can’t seem to take the time to read the back of the DVD box or sit through a two and half minute trailer. Movies can be ranked in many different ways so at times I may give them a number and then other times I may just say this movie is bad. Either way, I will break it down and let you know what I think. This way, I take the guess work out of deciding between that Lindsay Lohan movie you just picked up that looks like she’s dancing on a stripper pole and any other movie in the store because any other movie in the store is better than a Lindsay Lohan movie.
Last night, my sister and I decided to see the movie The Happening. Though I read many reviews saying this movie wasn’t very good, I always want to see a movie anyways, just to form my own opinion. I say that now, but if I’m truly honest with you I would tell you the real reason I wanted to see that movie was simply Mark Wahlberg. Big, beautiful, broad shouldered Mark Wahlberg. Now, M. Night Shyamalan, who wrote, produced and directed this movie, has a bit of a wobbly track record. He started out strong with Sixth Sense and Unbreakable, peaked at Signs, then steadily gave himself more credit than he deserved with The Village and the Lady in the Water. Though the plot lines of these movies were often intricate yet sometimes too easy to figure out, I found that they were still entertaining, especially if you had no idea what the movie was about. Sadly though, The Happening falls miles short of every other movie he has ever done. The story was his most far fetched and plot twists were uneventful and preposterous. The acting done by Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deshanel was stiff, unemotional and incredibly disappointing coming from two actors whom I know have it in them to pull this off. Shyamalan’s movie was the whole crap package. The musical score was inappropriate, and he did so many close ups on the characters faces that I could tell where the make up lady missed a spot on Deshanel’s face. There was no suspense, no creepy shadow under the pantry door, no cold breath in the dark night, nothing at all to warrant the horror movie label that I have heard thrown around. I walked out of that theater feeling more disappointed than that time I build a robot and it got more dates than me (but that was only because she had bigger boobs than me). All in all, don’t waste your time, but if you want to see a movie pretty similar and far better made, go rent The Signal. It’s got the same amount of gore and violence with a bit of silliness and a whole lot of “what the fuck?!?” moments to boot.
Since it is Tuesday, I’m going to break down a few movies that come out on DVD today.
* Be Kind Rewind – Starring Jack Black, Mos Def and Danny Glover. I wasn’t sure what to expect from this movie but I was pleasantly surprised. Most people will be disappointed if they go into this movie thinking that the humor is going to be like Tenacious D when it’s really more like School of Rock. It’s a very heartwarming movie, with quite a few funny moments with Jack Black. The chemistry between Mos Def and the female lead played by Melonie Diaz is wonderful, especially towards the end of the movie. I would suggest this movie to grandma’s, soccer mom’s, and anyone who likes School of Rock, It’s a Wonderful Life, and Big.
*Fool’s Gold – I have nothing to say on this movie except that if you want to see Kate Hudson in a bikini or Matthew McConaughy shirtless, rent this movie. Otherwise, move on.
*Chaos Theory – Starring Ryan Reynolds. This movie will be hit or miss for most people. If you liked movies like Jerry Maguire or Office Space and are feeling open-minded then I would suggest renting this movie. Reynolds portrays the same character he always does, just an adult version of it (see Van Wilder or Just Friends) and not as humorous. It has a few funny moments, and the plot is slightly interesting. This is the kind of movie you get when you have nothing better to do and no other movie to watch.
I have a lot of movies to tell you about so be ready.
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