Hello Anonymous commenter on Stef's Microbrew Post!

Anonymous said...
Hey Stef this comment is for your beer loving ass. I really enjoyed reading your blog about the microbreweries in Grand Rapids. Ive just started my journey into the world of microbrews. I'm 21 and have been a Budweiser and MGD drinker. I think its time to move on from that and start new. What would you recommend for a beginner like myself? Im up for anything. I hope you give me a sweet suggestion.
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Hello my new, anonymous friend! I’m glad that you liked the beer blog; I’m glad that you like beer, and I’m glad that you asked! Here are a few clever tips on microbrew buying and being an amateur beer snob:

1) You first must distinguish which characters of the beer that you like best in consistency and flavor. Are you a light, bubbly guy? Dark and creamy? If you say you’re currently of the Budweiser persuasion, I’d probably go with something not too bitter and easy to warm up to for your first foray into microbrew, like an IPA (India Pale Ale) or wheat beer. However, some of those dark beers are absolutely pleasurable, so please don’t write them off just yet. If you’re like me at all, then you don’t like them too bitter, so try to avoid words like “rye” and “hops,” in beer words they mean “bitter.” Gross.

2) Speaking of beer words, it wouldn’t hurt to at least familiarize yourself with a few of the basics that you’ll be running into and (again) what it is about them that you like and don’t like. Look these words up: porter, lager, wheat beer, stout, pilsner, lambic, IPA, Ale, and Mead. There are more types, but these should at least familiarize you with what you’re ordering. You can get into how it’s made and the minutiae of taste later. Porter and stout are going to be almost black in color, creamy, and flavorful. Good for watching a fall afternoon pass by from your front porch, bad for keg stands and pitcher races. That’s what Busch Light is for.

3) Once you cultivate a general direction, it’s OK to ask the beer guys at a reputable establishment to make recommendations. They’ll understand that you appreciate honesty and if you know what to ask for (i.e.: I’d like some sort of porter or stout to try to impress a discerning but equally naive girl on my front porch at GVSU who is into hazelnuts, sometime this September).

4) I’d try to avoid microbrews that have an animal in the title, it’s creepy, and why is everyone always naming every bottle of alcohol they come up with after some sort of animal, anyway? They don’t make it with animals, and animals don’t like beer anyway. –Adjective animal- -verbing animal-. Knock it off already.

5) Cider is for GIRLS and GIRLS ONLY. Put the Strongbow down!

6) While there are many wonderful breweries within stumbling distance of Grand Rapids, and many more around the continental US, experiment with brewskis from across the globe. And I don’t mean Corona (though I do love it) or Labatt. You can pretty much count on Germany for any type (don’t let the German on the labels deter you; it’s easy to get the hang of it. Weiss=wheat, dart=dark, Heineken=hate) of lighter beer, and if your pants are made out of $50 bills and sewn together with thread made from the sort of relaxation that only a privileged life of leisure can afford, than go to Martha’s and buy anything with the word “Belgian” on the label. Not “Belgian style,” Belgian.

7) Belgian. Those crazy Trappist monks have literally been brewing beer for thousands of years and make it out of light, subtle excellence. A bottle of true Belgian (You have to go to Martha’s to find the St. Bernardus that had me on my knees for free, but Duvel, Chimay, and Delirium are good, easy to find choices) gets me as giddy as KP and every middle school girl in the area clutching their copies of Eclipse and jumping in a circle, totally hearting Edward while downloading copies of the latest Jonas Brothers and waiting in line to buy tickets to High School Musical 5 (OMG! Right?). Belgian beer is DELICIOUS but a bit expensive, so break it out on a special occasion. Again, not recommended for pong or flippy-cup. Also try English beer, but I won’t get into that now.

8) When buying microbrew from the store, here are a few good standbys that won’t do you wrong:
- Bell’s Oberon (of course) or Best Brown
- Magic Hat #9. It’s a teeny bit girly, but you can drink more than one without feeling like you just ate a whole turkey. Their darker brews however, not so much.
- Rogue Dead Guy Ale. Dark, but not too bitter. Slight coffee flavor. Their Vanilla Porter is also nice.
- Newcastle Brown Ale. This is better on tap but if you want something sweet-ish and delicious in a pinch, this always works
- Founder’s Dirty Bastard. Also better on tap, but not bad bottled and will make you very drunk quick * hick * ly.
- Boddington’s, delicious, light, and snobby. English, you know?
- New Holland Brewery’s Dragon’s Milk. Only if you’ve got the dough, this shit is premium. Exceptional, but pricey. Also it’s getting to be fall and that means New Holland’s Ichabod hits the coolers, which is nice.
- Ayenger. German beer, light and easy to put away, if you know what I mean

I hope that gets you started okay, but experimentation is the most important (and funnest) part of the microbrew adventure, so get a dryer (or more Bud Light) buddy to drive you to Hop Cat or talk to Dominic at Graydon’s and do a little damage. Don’t forget to make notes, educate yourself, and let me know what you think. Let me know if I can be of any more help, and Happy Belated 21st Birthday, buddy!