I don’t know what it is about 80’s music that gets people goin’ all crazy…

You can see the Mega 80’s at least once a month at the Intersection downtown. I recommend you do this. All of you. This Friday, 10pm, $10

These guys are really living the Guitar Hero dream, shredding righteously to songs written by other people in front of an audience teaming with frenzied screaming girls, rocking the costumes, synthesizers, and (in the second set) hair to the max, except these guys actually have real guitars. They’re usually really packed, everyone from emo kids to aging secretaries, and enough douche-bags to satisfy even the most discerning drunk GVSU girl. It’s like a bacchanal that plays Duran Duran covers. It is even encouraged that you get all dolled up in your favorite polo and stretch pants, spill drinks on your boss, bump ass with your college advisor to Rick Springfield and shout at the devil every word in the second set (which is sweet sweet dirt rock). Still doesn’t sound fun? The guy even sings the Go Go’s in a weird, nasaly falsetto. Even the most image-conscious self-depreciating shoe gazer gets his/her dose of the Cure and turns into a dancin’ machine by the time our heroes move into classics like Devo’s “Whip It” (with the hats and choreography) and Tommy Two Tone in the first set. Those are the songs that even your underage girlfriend who doesn’t speak any English and was raised in an Amish convent can sing along to. The second set is one bodaciously long tribute to the Hair Metal that your parents hated but secretly rocked out to in high school, they do everything from the Scorpions to Europe, and people go bat shit for it. It’s stupid, gratuitous fun, bringing the decadence and cheese of the 80’s back to the people who’s fire happened to not get put out by the miserable drivel that was pop music in the 90’s.

Stef usually ends up getting felt up by some sub-concious Cory or Cody while she’s trying to remember the words to the second verse of “Mama’s Fallen Angel.”

KP usually runs into people that she knows. And then ends up getting felt up, scooting up on stage during the grand finale (sung in the style of Def Leppard), and listening to all the shot-propelled horned-up dental hygenists tell the Asian skinny tie-wearing bass player that they “totally want to fuck you.” But then again, something about Skid Row sung out-of-key by a guy in a wig and a belt made of real life bras just does that to a lady.

Call it what you want, silliness, escapism, a good excuse to drink too many Miller Lights and make a bad descision or ten, Mega 80’s is a low-down, old-fashioned hoot and you should all just leave your independent-label alt-country on the shelf, peg roll the shit out of your jeans, and get on out. Be you more Pete Wentz or Robert Smith, you can even leave your eyeliner on (Pete, by the way man, that guy from Kajagoogoo rocked the hell out of that stuff, while you look like that babysitter I used to have who called our cat “cousin” and wanted to file her teeth into points).

Verdict- awesome. While fun almost killed the drummer from Def Leppard and Nikki Sixx was clinically dead for eight minutes, he came back to life and that guy learned to bang the drums one-handed, it didn’t kill them completely and they’re both (twenty years later) on tour this summer. Have a little once in a while, you big crybaby.
*DISCLAIMER- while most of the music I’ve listed here has been in good spirits, my having a sweet time listening to it does not reflect or degrade my taste in music in general. So back off, and just try to admit honestly that you never owned a Wham album. Go ahead and try. -Stef