Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This... is my boomstick!

"Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This... is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?"

HEY YA STINKIN’ BUMS!! ROCKTOBER UPDATE:

So this month has been no less than awesome so far. Kim (the girl, the legend, the high priestess of Detroit sports and angel of death to all smartassy clowns) and Rick (the man, the legend also, this is some Clash of the Titans shit, we on fiiiire!) got married on Saturday before a beautiful autumn backdrop, adorable and touching ceremony, and supremely fun reception. What is it about hearing a blushing bride, shimmering in her bright white gown with radiance and love, screaming “THAT’S RIGHT, BITCH! WHAT!” when the Wings win? Really brings a tear to my eye, I love you guys.

Also, we rocked out at Pulaski Days, Rocked out elsewhere, and rocked out when Sammy and our new friend Justinn played “Space Oddity” really good the other night at Schuler Books. Oh yeah, and our neighbor downstairs TOTALLY RULES (HI AUSTIN!!!) and KP ate fire, but I was too scared to put it in my mouth so I just touched it with my hand. AUSTIN YOU TOTALLY ROCK! So here’s what’s up for the next couple of weeks:

October 14, 2008 8pm
What: The Thing
Where: Wealthy Street Theatre
Cost: $3.50
Why: I think this will be tons of fun and who doesn't want to see Kurt Russell circa 1982 showing some baddy who's boss?? I rest my case.

Saturday Oct. 18- Electric 6 at the Intersection. Detroit rock hilarity. This ought to be fun

Friday Oct. 24- GWAR at the Orbit Room. I better see you all there!!! God What Awful Racket? Gay Women Against Rape? Who knows what it stands for, but this is guaranteed to be Rocktober-licious. Ladies: plain white tee shirt, no bra. Got that? I will see you all there. If you don’t know Gwar, quit sucking, and let us know if you need a ride. Seriously? Quit sucking though.

Saturday Oct. 25- UM/MSU, we’ll be in Ann Arbor that day trying to break up fights. If you want a ride, we’re leaving at the crack of ass. Thank you, Kipp. First ones there means first ones passed out, right? Then it’s back to Grand Rapids for the Griffins home opener, which you all should be at as well. Dude, Aaron Downey will be playing Griff games this year, and he’s a murderer. Like an axe murderer complete with frilly cuffs and tattered stovepipe hat. Creepy, but I totally love him and wouldn’t let that stop me from touching his pantleg inappropriately at a dinner party in front of his parents.

JURASSIC FIGHT CLUB on the History Channel. I’ve only heard about this, but it really does sound like the coolest show ever made ever and I’ll be whoring myself to anyone with cable just to see it. Premise: computer-generated dinosaurs (from antiquity) fight each other, just to see who would win. AWESOME! DINO FIGHT! I have my money on the aeliosuaur! That’s the whole show, seriously. Watch it.

DARK FLOORS- is the worst/best horror movie of the year, hands down. It has LORDI in it, for chrissakes. Lordi movie = awesome. Anything with LORDI in it is awesome. Especially if there is a haunted hospital, and creepy-ass kid who just wants “the red crayon”. Get this movie, please.