I must disrupt the recounting of Me and KP across America, something far more gravitational has just come to my attention. Ladies? You might want to take a seat for this one.
The Wings are looking to trade Kyle Quincey. I may have a hard time getting through the rest of this…*weep* post.
A few words (sung to the tune of Cracklin’ Rosie):
Kyle Quincy got on board
Makin’ a ride of the AHL
You know, taking it slow
He wanted to go,
Punch a few jaws like a poor man’s Maltby
His *sorry his mom might read this *is called the Twilight Train
He got that name from a girl who wasn’t wrong
She threw him her thong
And then hit the bong
Having a time with the Detroit Red Wings, too
Oh I love my buddy Kyle
Him punching faces makes me happy
He and Wings they go in style
Kyle my boy, you’re a store-bought player
But you rock more than Pantera or Slayer
So hang on to us cause your contracts’ running out!
Play now,
Play now,
Play now, my baby
Kyle Quincey make me smile
And if it don’t last for an hour,
Than that’s alright, I’ll wait all night
in your bushes, right
long as you don’t mind that the camera’s filming, yeah!
Oh I’ll miss my buddy Kyle
Him punching grannies makes me happy
Even for a little while
Kyle my boy they don’t need more defensemen
But you can come with me and stay in my basement
And wait for Brett Lebda’s contract to run out!
Play now,
Play now,
Play now, my baby
Kyle Quincey makes me smile
If he’d just give me three minutes
That’s all I’d need, down on my knees
He’d be saying “please
Seriously can you let me out of these handcuffs?”
Ba baba baba…ba babababa ba bababa ba baba ba….baba ba
Please consider, Dave Lewis and Mike Illich, keep Quincey and trade one of those other defense guys like Rafalski or that one other guy that used to play for the Griffins, he’d probably get you a better trade, and Kyle Quincey owes me one. He does. Skating around here with his army of whores like he owns the place, touching my arm that one time and never making good on it, who does he think he is, anyway? He needs to stay in Grand Rapids so his head doesn’t get too much bigger than it already is, he can learn under the careful tutelage of Chelios and Maltby, and maybe next time when they win the Stanley Cup he can have actually contributed to winning it when he chugs beer out of it. Plus, I’m in love with him. Oh, Kyle, don’t stray too far…
And when wind whips through the hole where what giant D-bag Assistant Captain for the Manitoba Moose’s upper bicuspid used to be, the wind will whisper…Kyle.
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4 comments:
You two are amazing that was the funniest thing i have read in a long time.
austin
Dave Lewis? Really? The guy hasn't coached in Detroit since '04.
Dave Lewis. I am a total idiot. Mike Babcock is the coach and I knew that and that was a really embarrassing biff that I made. I suck. I did see Dave Lewis at a bar downtown once but was too afraid to talk to him because they'd just been knocked out of round one and I didn't want to "what the fuck?" him. Plus, if he was already depressed enough to be drinking in the type of establishment that you'd find me in anyway, I didn't think he needed any more encouragement. He would have probably offed himself. I apologize, Mr. Babcock, for my foolish typo, I apologize, Mr. Scotty Bowman, for any black marks my flub has made on your un-tarnished legacy, and I apologize, Mr. Dave Lewis, for confusing you with the head coach of the Detroit Red Wings. Good catch, Luke. I have a shoe in my mouth as I type this. It isn't good, but isn't too bad, either...
It's official. Quincey now plays for the LA Kings.
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