OH HOW THE EXCITEMENT OF THE ROAD TRIP CONTINUED WITH OUR TWO CHEEKY HEROINES AND THEIR ENDLESS AMUSEMENT WITH SUGGESTIVELY TITLED GAS STATIONS AND AXE MURDER HOUSES…The Entire Reproduced Buffalo Bill Cody’s Wild West Show Done all in miniature….
OK, I can’t in good consciousness finish this narrative and move on to better and awesomer things without first apologizing to all nine of our readers for that brazen display of unabashed nerdiness that KP displayed earlier with all that StarTrek stuff. She has nerd Tourette’s or something and can’t help it and didn’t mean it and PLEASE DON’T TAKE AWAY ALL OF OUR STREET CRED JUST BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T TALK TO ME (stef) BEFORE POSTING THAT. We want you to feel safe with the guidance you receive here at T Shirt Size: Awesome, we want this to be a place that you feel like you can come for a good dose of non-nerd excellence and honest cultural direction, so please, it’s okay, you can come down off that chair you’ve jumped up on, shrieking uncontrollably and incoherently mumbling about “ijasoscared….ahhhh,” it’s okay. She didn’t mean it. Say you’re sorry for scaring the reader, KP.
So I guess back to the road trip, if we still have any readers or even one ounce of credibility left, we were leaving Kansas for Denver and that crazy mutant animal farm and on the wide open road to Colorado (where the beer flows like wine). Turns out, me and KP really liked Denver. Actually, Denver (with the one MAJOR exception of the Avalanche, yeah if you happened to be in Denver on Sept. 26 then that was me with the dark hair and empty beer screaming “fuck the av’s!” down whatever street we found that Oktoberfest on to your lame whines of “fuck Detroit”. Didn’t see Stanley anywhere in Denver, bitch, and I looked for him. Gee...) is an awesome town full of kindly (very kindly, eh KP?) folks who like beards, beer, and live music just as much as we do. But just for you Bubba, who found the word “brevity” in the Microsoft Word dictionary (along with sci0list and skulduggery), instead of recounting cleverly and adjectivally our experience and adventures, I’ll just make you a list and you readers can choose which ones you want to hear about, if any. I hope this is easy enough to read:
The Hostel that was very nice and only $16 per night
Rosario Dawson
Tattered Pages
Oktoberfest
Our Lovely New Pals at North Face (hi guys!)
KP’s Adventurous Side that she didn’t admit to until like a week ago (come on, leave this up)
Omaha
Axe Murder House
World’s Largest coffee pot, covered wagon, and time capsule
The craziest Gas Station Attendant Ever
That should be enough to get you started, just let me know.
If you ever find yourself in Iowa, I’ll just say, before you go right to trying to kill yourself by dressing in black and jumping in front of one of the magnitude of semi-trucks even though the black seems kind of pointless because it’s the middle of the day and everyone can totally see you anyway, just know this: We had a ton of fun in Iowa. There is a lot of kitschy Americana there that is the very fabric of the awesome road trip, and despite the common misconception about Iowa, KANSAS IS WAY WORSE. That axe murder house was so cool and the guy that gave us a tour will be a fixture in all of my short stories from now on, finding that plow in the oak tree was neat and even the people who changed my tire at Wal Mart were a little bit salt-of-the-earthier than normal. Iowa was cool, there, I said it.
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5 comments:
Oh, I would love to hear about KP's wild side.
And maybe the crazy gas station guy, but definitely KP first. Please do share...
:P
That asshole bubba is finally making some sense. No offence Stef, but we do need to know more about KP and her wild side. KP, I liked your Star Trek blog and I dont know shit about Star Trek. However, I do know about the "Watchmen" and can't wait for that to come out. Stef is cool but KP is cooler and I think that the assface that calls himself bubba would agree with me when I say that we need more KP.
More on this Star Trek stuffs plez
Oh, come on Anonymous, come out from under your mommy's skirt and play.
I won't knock you too hard.
It's even better that you're attacking me on someone else's blog. Get an identity and come bash me on mine. I'm giving you an invite.
Now go cornhole your dog.
'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.
Anonymous, you big baby, if you want more of KP why don't you call her house like ten times and hang up because she won't talk to people who don't have names. PS- Star Trek is not cool and if you need to talk about comics and shit there are plenty of other blogs to dirty up with that nonsense. Start a blog of your own (you'll need a name), but don't look for it here. This site, as our mission statement says, is nerd-free.
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